There are plenty of reasons to be afraid of living.
The fear of failing. The fear of falling short of expectations.
The fear of succeeding. The fear of achieving.
And the fear of losing everything in the blink of an eye.
I guess it’s normal to worry. It’s just how we’re wired.
It’s so deeply submerged that it guides our perspective taking and decision making without us even knowing it.
What scares me inevitably affects the way I act and I am certain that what scares me more than anything is the idea of being seen.
Ironically, I am an open book. There’s not much that I am afraid to share. So I do exactly that. I leave the pages and spaces between the words for others to interpret and understand.
I don’t feel as though I lose anything when I share, in fact, I feel full when I give to others.
The part that’s confusing for me is as much as I want to let others see into this intimate part of me, so few do.
I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault. I am hard to pin point, I am even harder to love.
I am stubborn and have self destructive tendencies.
I am starting to wonder if the reason I have such a hard time letting people in is that I don’t know myself.
When we accept ourselves fully for who we are, despite our flaws, it’s so contagious that we show others exactly how it should be done.
Maybe I just don’t know how yet.. but I swear. I want to learn.