Sometimes when I am “in my feelings” and I can’t seem to escape you, I convince myself that the longer and busier my day is, the easier suppressing it will be.
I’ll keep myself so occupied that I barely get a chance to be alone with my thoughts.
The thing about it is… once I have stayed up to the point of exhaustion, my unconscious mind takes over and you frequent my dreams. There’s no escaping.
I often wonder how years pass, memories fade, but the vibrancy of my reveries remain. As quickly as the visions appear, they disappear.
Reality returns and I face my day to day responsibilities. I used to think work, school, and my hectic schedule was the perfect diversion but I am starting to realize that that’s the furthest thing from the truth.
They aren’t a distraction from you. They are a distraction from myself & my tornado of a lifestyle.
My life consists of these relationships that have ultimately needed to come to an end because they were dangling by a thread of false hope.A hope I still don’t know how to let go of.
I’m the hopeless romantic with reckless abandonment issues.
Sometimes it feels like the glue is that hope that keeps my chaotic life together.
But for the other, this enduring hope is a selfish and unrelenting force that stunts and threatens their growth.
To be stuck in love indeed is a misfortune I wouldn’t wish on anybody.
There is no debate of whether or not you have a piece of me with you.
You are written in my story and that will never change.
No running, no escaping, no avoiding. As little as I want to admit, I envy the life I know you’ll have without me in it.
A sense of jealousy ensues but then it wanes and I realize that’s not what I want.
I want you to find happiness. I want you to find peace. I want you to find belonging. I want you to find yourself.