I haven’t done any free writing in a while and so often I type things out and never publish them. It’s a bad habit. I wanna get in a routine of posting every single day or at least once a week. The posts might be small but that’s okay. As long as it’s something. I have to make time to improve my writing. I believe it’s important to make time to do things that you are passionate about. Right now, an unfinished project of mine is a half finished screenplay. Part of the reason I haven’t finished it is because it’s about a past love. To re-live some of those emotions feels like a step into the past. I don’t live there so why revisit it. However, as time has passed, I have been able to reclaim that space. I used to hold so much animosity towards the things that hurt or affected me in the past. Why hadn’t I been better, smarter, more confident? I didn’t like to be vulnerable. I didn’t like to feel stupid for making mistakes. Pride is wicked. It’s something that has gotten me in trouble over the years. It causes so much unnecessary pain. Having the sharpest tongue has a price. The worst burden of all is when pride hurts those you care about.
You always hurt the ones you love, The ones you shouldn’t hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose And crush it till the petals fall
(Blue Valentine you always hurt the one you love- the Mills Bros)
I don’t think this is some sort of coincidence. You know exactly how to hurt the people you care about. You know their pressure points. You know how to set them off and when someone challenges my pride, I don’t back down. It’s terrible. I really need to learn how to hold my tongue. I think it would greatly help with the trajectory of my life. It would also do less damage. You know what they say,
Boca cerrada, no entran mosca.